I am able to still taste last summer. I can still feel a day spent at his apartment. I remember how it smelled. He has memories that I will never know of. I remeber being that person I was, reaching out to the man he was.
But as I go towards Christ, as I allow give myself to the processes of God in my life, I am embracing of the story. I will never say it was good to be destroyed. And here are where the words begin to fail…
The surging web of the Creator, able to see and hear and watch the entire universe, simultaneously, making Himself known to me has become the most overwhelming experience of my short life. Can I truly despise His appearance, His choosing, His will? As He is becoming my greatest desire, I am changed into embracing all of it as the communication of God to me. There is no day without purpose. There is no twisted face of pain and confusion that is wasted. Nothing is wasted in Jesus, but everything is woven and set on fire for His fame.
So yes, I will always know the pain of that crushing sin. But to know it for His cause and His glory, is my privelage and call and the undoing of myself.
I lose my life to gain it.
