honestly
i like my face. i like my body. it really isn’t like any one else’s and it isn’t completely proportional. my face seems weird to me sometimes and my body is kinda bizarre in its different parts that somehow wound up together. but i like it. i really do. i want THIS face and THIS body. if i let a thought into my head that someone may look upon me and not see something beautiful, i feel a small panic start up. this is stupid. who gives a fuck if you don’t see what i know is there?
i am so sick of thinking repetitive thoughts that are - old, worn out, whored out, stretched thin, broke, desperate and crying on the phone to someone who doesn’t care, rejected, used up, clinging, flaky and unstable….. they just go around and around….
i can forget your address, cause see, i don’t ever have to come back here. i’m gonna forget your number and the sound of your voice-don’t need it anymore. i’m going home. gonna start walking anyway. where you have been in my head i am gonna fill with something else..
like the sound of a man shutting the back door behind him and walking down my hall to come find me. the overheard laughter of my kids and the excitement for rain. and the book of Isaiah and Jesus telling me to take heart, my sins are forgiven, pick up your bed and go, just go.
with this face. and this body. that i love. honestly.
