Today I am 33. Thomas has already said too many nice things.
I just wanted to pause here and say that I am mostly wrong about what life is. I thought I wouldn’t live to see 33 two years ago. I thought my life was over because my marriage had gone to shit.
But today, I enjoy a sense of hope and peace not because my marriage came back together, but because my marriage ceased to be the source of my meaning and joy. I would say that to date, that has been the biggest piece of wisdom I have gained so far in 33 years.
I don’t vibrate with anxiety like I used to. I apologize a lot. I know, no I REALLY KNOW that life isn’t just what I can see. There will be an eternity. Not my will be done…
I ask God to make me thankful. Make me hate my sin. Help me to feel broken over the way I hurt others. He is changing me and I am doing nothing to bring it about. He proves over and over who HE is. Taking the small bits of brain and emotion and making them into a heart that beats, beats, beats in a rhythm HE wrote for me.
33 seems kind of cool. I made the best banana pudding yesterday, but it tasted better today.
