fighting
i know i have to. i know i need to. i know that i am stumbling all over the place and i’ve spilled my drink on your shoes.
there’s no other process to facilitate what needs to happen other than me humbling myself, asking forgiveness and lifting my face to Jesus…. letting it go. i know there’s nothing else.
i feel it melt away my features. the scorn of it just burns me up. all i know is heat.
it is not sweet. it is work. it is self control and mastering the body and the mind and it is the turning of the CAPTIVE into the CAPTOR. i am wrestling the sword out of that hand into this hand and running, sprinting to be quenched. in the water. in the living water that extinguishes the black fire.
not my will. not my heart. not what i wish. not the vengeance i plan and the pain i want to see. none of those things. none but Jesus.
your will, come into my being and give me my orders and nip at my heels and place me on the path. none but Jesus.
i am exhausted with fighting. but i am able to run. and not stop. because he became my weariness. and he took my punishment.look at me so flawed and full of holes! God close this chink in my armor. protect me.
you do. i know you do. thank you. you loved me first. you knew me first. i love you. amen.
